Messageboard post by Nigerian terrorist shows he was suffering from depression

An archived messageboard post by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab on an Islamic discussion website called gawaher.com reveals that the Nigerian terrorist had been dealing with depression and loneliness. Here is his first post on January 28, 2005:

"Assalamu Alaykum brothers and sisters,

I have several dilemmas i want to get out of and this has made me lonely. As i intent to write a lot, i suggest for anyone who gets board of my long desperate talk to just read the bit they can and advise me even it is just a sentence. I will find it very beneficail and comforting to get help from muslim brothers and sisters. 

Firstly i will start with a bit of my background and then the dilemmas. I am a boarding student in a school with few muslims. For some years now, i hav been doing some da'wah, mainly enjoining good and forbiding evil, and jihadinnafs, trying to become closer to Allah. But i have been facing several problems.

First of all, i have no friend. Not because i do not socialise, etc but because either people do not want to get too close to me as they go partying and stuff while i dont, or they are bad people who befriend me and influence me to do bad things. Hence i am in a situation where i do not have a friend, i have no one to speak too, no one to consult, no one to support me and i feel depressed and lonely. i do not know what to do. 

And then i think this loneliness leads me to other problems. As i get lonely, the natural sexual drive awakens and i struggle to control it, sometimes leading to minor sinful activities like not lowering the gaze. 

And this problem makes me want to get married to avoid getting aroused. The Prophet (S) advised young men to fast if they cant get married but it has not been helping me much and i seriously dont want to wait for years before i get married. But i am only 18, (just going to university, insha Allah in London or California). i have not started searching for prospective partners because It would be difficult for me to get married due to social norms of getting to the late 20's when one has a degree, a job, a house, etc before getting married, plus parents are relunctunt to give their daughters in marriage to an 18 year old and sisters are also not normally willing to marry an 18 year old. Anyway alhamdulillah my parents i know could help me financially should i get married, even though i think they are also not going to be in favour of early marriage.

The last thing i want to talk about is my dilemma between liberalism and extremism. The Prpphet (S) said religion is easy and anyone who tries to overburden themselves will find it hard and will not be able to continue. So anytime i relax, i deviate sometimes and then when i strive hard, i get tired of what i am doing i.e. memorising the quran, etc. How should one put the balance right?

Thank you for anyone whoo reaches this stage of reading my problem. May Allah reward you for reading and reward you more for helping. Ameen"

A few months later, June 16 2005, Umar was in Yemen and seemed to have found happiness according to his post:

"Assalamu alaykum

Alhamdulillah i finally got my wish. After a hard battle deciding where to go and what to do, i finally ended up in Yemen. I'm doing a 3 month arabic course and so far it is just great. There are a lot of Brits and Americans also studying in the Institute i'm studying in, Sana'a institute of Arabic Languages- http://www.sialyemen.com 

Its fun too. The institute is actually like a border line between the Old ciyt of Sana'a for those who like a traditional, quiet and peaceful environment, and the new city of Sana'a where bustling like Cairo, with almost anything you want to find, accesceries, clothing (not the best in quality though), food (KFC, Pizza hut, Shawarmas, Italian, chinese, korean, pakistani(Chicken Biryani, indian.....restaurants, gym, amusement parks (not as thrilling as the 7 flags or Alton Towers of course).

Its quite cheap too! For anyone who can afford it and wants to learn arabic, i say come to Sial. Some people have been to various places around the arab world such syria, palestine, egypt...learning arabic but while here at sial, they say its the best. The courses are flexible, it could be private one on one, choose your syllabus, bring your group over for large discounts. Female classes are seperate. Yemenis are so friendly and welcoming. They are very islamically modest. most of the women were niqabs. Yemen is a good place to study arabic for muslims and non muslims as well. there are several non muslims and they are really having a good time.

Hope i get time to tell you more about yemen and the course.

ma'assalam"

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